Rest for the Weary

There are two types of fatigue - that of the body, and that of the mind. For the past few weeks, I've been suffering from the worse of the two, fatigue of the mind. It's not just the hours I have to put into lesson planning and grading. Nor is it the constant thinking-on-my-feet that I have to do while dealing with junior high and elementary students who don't want to do their work. It's a combination of these two things with icing - the unbearable burden of being. Not being busy, not being lazy, not being productive, not being happy, not being sad - just being. Never have I found it so difficult to simply exist.

I'm sure that the majority of this type of thinking stems from the knowledge that I am finding myself drawn closer and closer to God, and we know for a fact that when our relationships with God deepen, so do Satan's attempts to thwart our developing lives. It's hard to stay on the path, but I'm trying my hardest. But there's an awful lot of traffic along the way...I wish there was a way to bypass it all, like take the 10 to the 57 to the 210 instead of taking the backed up 91. Options, that's all I want - options. And all good ones at that. Is that too much to ask for? Perhaps.

But maybe it's not necessarily about the options but more about having good options, ones that will pan out for the betterment of my life. A big part of me wants God to control me, even if I don't want Him to. I mean, who knows better than God, right? Just something to think about.